Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Lessons Learned: Purim 2014



















1) Tea lights make lovely table decorations, as do mini marshmallows. Put them together and you have a really fun activity for the sober people at the table who try their luck at toasting marshmallows on plastic forks.
2) Tea lights are a bad decor option anywhere near those who are drinking out of wine bottles instead of wine glasses.  Especially when there are loose napkins on the table.
3) When planning your menu, come up with foods that can serve more than one purpose.  Table decorations can be edible (see number 1.)  And onion soup can come in handy when you need to douse flaming napkins (see number 2.)
4) It might not be a good idea to send a really drunk guy to pick out a hostess gift, although to be perfectly honest, I thought the light blue wicker bassinet filled with chocolate and topped with a large, fluffy teddy bear was absolutely adorable.
5) Tighty whiteys, when worn over your suit pants and with your suit jacket, are apparently suitable attire for the Purim seuda, as long as you don’t mind being forever known as “Underwear Boy.”
6) Having a garbage can in the room makes it easier to clear off used paper plates.  Placing it, uncovered, near the highly inebriated guests was a stroke of brilliance.  Not only don’t they care that they are sitting next to the garbage, but it came in handy when one of those present decided to upchuck. Repeatedly.       
7) If you will be hosting a bunch of people who will be imbibing copious quantities of liquor, invite that friend or relative who always runs to take care of, and clean up after, the guy who is tossing his cookies.  He will be worth his weight in gold.
8) If someone does throw up on your driveway, pouring water over the pool of vomit on the asphalt does nothing to clean it up.  It just gives you a larger, wetter, pool of vomit on the asphalt.