Who Wants A Drink??

Saw these in the store the other day and it was just a Kodak moment. So glad I happened to have had my camera on me!




Ummm...you think they have any other kind of cups?

Mishloach Manos: Need Help!!

Ok, guys, so I'm thinking soup. Maybe Split Pea. Uncle Rant and y2k's favorite!!

But I need something else with it. Was hoping to find small packs of those little fishy croutons, but no one has them. (I hit 5 stores today.) I could buy croutons and repack them. I could make my own. I could make Challah, but prefer not to. I saw individual packets of melba toast, but that seemed so nerdy!

So, what goes with soup? Doesn't have to be Split Pea. Maybe Onion Soup? (No, no cheese. Can't deal with that. Besides, need to use fleishic pots - they're bigger.) I'm flexible on the soup. Anything but Chicken Soup.

Any ideas, anyone?

A Gutten Chodesh, Everybody!

Hey, it's party time!!

You know what they say about the family that drinks together???

Time to Rant...

Come on, you guys would really rather hear me kvetch than just read/watch cute stuff I find on the web? I find that hard to believe.

But it one fuzzy brother of mine wants to hear me complain, you all have to suffer.

Here you go: Purim is coming. Don't get me wrong. I'm really happy about that. But I am so tired of buying candy and cookies that nobody wants to eat. (And yes, Aunt A, I'll save you the comment - there is always Tomchei Shabbos cards.)

So here are my themes for this year:

Kids: Buy soda, use up whatever candy we have in the house. No, not last years candy. Ok, maybe just a little of it.

Everyone Else: Here's my idea. I want to make something that people will actually want to eat. Last year it was cholent. This year, I'm looking for something easy, non perishable and not going to spill if I send it to Queens. Oh yeah, and cheap, too.

Anyone have any ideas?

Anybody Got Any Herring?

I know a few somebody's who would be happy to reuse those toothpicks!

Hail to The Rebbe?

And you guys think I have too much time on my hands????

Do A Mitzvah!

In the better late than never department:

Help George Bush get his stuff back to Texas.

You can help him by visiting HelpBushPack.com

Make sure to click around and see what you can do!

What I Did Over My Summer Vacation

Ooh, ooh! I want to send my kids here!!!

What Happens When You Leave Your Kid Alone

My first thought was, wow, what a great punishment! Why didn't I ever think of videoing my kid's misbehavior and posting it on youtube? But the more I watch, the more I thought it was child abuse.

Sorry, guys. The video was taken down, B'H. You snooze, you lose!

The Wonderful World We Live In

Now available from Amazon.com for only $58.99: Playmobil security checkpoint toy.

One reviewer's opinion:

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!".

Believe it or not, this isn't a joke. (Or at least the website I found this on says it isn't. I didn't have time to actually check all of these out, but feel free and let me know.) Playmobil has a whole bunch of similar items, including the Playmobil Police Checkpoint, a SWAT Helicopter, a SWAT Police boat, a Radar patroller, a police station with a jail cell, and police headquarters, complete with an interrogation room. (You can buy an optional prison cell accessory). Don't forget the jewel thief kit!

Miami Boys Choir: Chinese Dance Class

You just can't make this stuff up!

Sorry Guys, Couldn't Resist

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a-head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
18. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes in-verse.
20. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
21. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

From tonight's 10 o'clock news:

A bakery in the village is selling cookies they call "drunken negro cookies". They're big chocolate cookies, with exaggerated features, maraschino cherry bits for eyes and a dopey look on their faces. This week during the inauguration, they renamed them "Obama cookies". And yes, they showed the cookies.

The guy who owns the place couldn't understand why people were upset. Apparently when he made "dead goose bread" last week in honor of the US Air flight, no one complained. And yes, they showed the bread. Looked kinda mangled.

You just can't make this stuff up.

Spam, Spam, Spam, Wonderful Spam!!

No, I'm not talking Monty Python.

I'm talking about the stuff that has been inundating my Inbox as of late. Tons and tons of emails. But none of them fun or exciting.

Offers to get out of debt. (Was I in debt? And if so, why didn't anyone tell me?) Offers for free laptops, free cosmetics, free cell phones and free Walmart and Costco gift cards. Discount pharmaceuticals from Canada, opportunites to make millions without ever leaving the house...the list just goes on and on and on.

Obviously, I've gotten on someone's list...anyone out there have any creative ideas for getting off?

What Kind of a Jewish Name is That?

Uncle Rant came home very upset today.

He was in a store and saw a new, heimishe product. A meal in a bar, called "Grab One".

At first I thought he was upset by the concept of a meal in a bar. Those of you who know Uncle Rant know that if you can wrap it up in a little foil packet weighing half an ounce, Uncle Rant doesn't consider it a meal.

But apparently, that wasn't the problem. Uncle Rant was horrified by the idea of heimishe people grabbing anything. Is that any way for a frum person to act?

So I was wondering. What would be a proper name for a Cholov Yisroel meal replacement bar?

Random Thoughts

My glasses are missing and I can't find them. If I put on my glasses, I'll be able to see more clearly and hopefully find them. But I can't do that because my glasses are missing.

It is sooo cold outside! Is anyone else tired of winter?

Chicken feet sighting today, and it wasn't on a chicken. Freezer case, in local kosher supermarket. Nasty!

Does anyone else hear cookies calling to them from the freezer? I hear little voices, saying "come and get us! We're in the freezer and we want you to eat us!"

Roadkill Cafe

So years and years ago I was working out in Basking Ridge, New Jersey. And there was this huge story on the news about a restaurant that was peeling roadkill off the pavement, cooking it and serving it. There was some really funny stuff that went around including "menus" from "The Roadkill Cafe", (you kill 'em, we grill 'em!)

Living up here, we have more than our share of squirrel pizzas, as my boss's daughter used to call flattened animals on the road. When I see them, I call the Department of Highways and they come and take care of them before certain-children-of-mine-who-shall-remain-nameless scream and either cause little old ladies to fall flat on their faces, or refuse to wear their shoes ever again because they accidentally brushed up against a dead bird.

But here's my question: what does the Highway Department do with all our flattened friends? Do they get turned into itty-bitty squirrel fur gloves? Do the bigger items end up on someone's menu? And if they just dump them, you think they end up in the compost bin at one of our local farms, so that they fertilize the fresh, local produce that we all love to pick?

Just some food for thought. Or not.

Need Some Opinions

So, let's say that just as a hobby, someone was to hypothetically start reviewing the occasional CD for an as yet non-existent Jewish Music blog (and get some free CDs in the process).

Hypothetically, they'd need a pen name. I'm thinking something that doesn't divulge the fact that they are (hypothetically)female.

Any suggestions?

Delicious Little Girl...

Think I can smuggle her home in my carry-on bag?

This Is The Life

Sure, I'm here to help. I take the baby when she's crying, but I give her back whenever I want. And I am an angel for having taken her in the first place.

I run out to the makolet if we're running low on something. And I am such a huge help.

Yes, I'm cooking meals, but everyone is sooo appreciative.

In short, I'm living a guy's life. I could definitely get used to this.

A Truly Humbling Experience

A trip to the makolet. How hard could it be?

Apparently, very. Surprisingly enough, most of the product labels were written in Hebrew. I guess they're entitled, but it didn't make my life any easier. Try to find the right section in the teeny, tiny store. Locate the right item. Or try to. Not always as easy as it sounds. And I thought I spoke a pretty decent Hebrew! Next, try to figure out how much it costs. How much is 16.90 shekel divided by 3.73?

And then there was a trip to the freezer case to find chicken wings. How do you say wings in Hebrew? And I couldn't help but wonder what kind of scary things might be lurking in that freezer? And if the nekudos in Hebrew are the vowels, can't they put them on the packages so that I can actually figure out what I'm looking at?

All in all, the trip to the makolet took a very long time. And 3 phone calls home to make sure I was getting the right thing. Let's just say I'm going to really enjoy my next trip to Shop Rite!

When the Cat's Away...

So, I'm off in a few hours and leaving a guy in charge. Should be entertaining.

They spent the morning menu planning. Here's what my dearly beloved thinks he's cooking for supper every night:

Sunday: Shnitzel, with assorted sauces for dipping. Salad. Unidentified starch. Maybe fries?
Monday: Grilled Chicken, Salad, Mushroom Tart. (Mushroom Tart is leftover from Shabbos. I made that one.)
Tuesday: Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes with Peas and Onions. (There is a vegetable here, too, but they needed the menu so they could go shopping.
Wednesday: Tuna Loaf, Pasta Primavera, and some other vegetable.

Of course, all meals will start off with soup (my contribution, I left a freezer full) and will end with dessert. With plenty of burping in between.

Think they're gonna miss me? I doubt it!!

World's Largest Salami Menorah

What, there are small salami menorahs as well?

This comes from the kosher deli in West Palm Beach, Florida. No doubt they did a wonderful job making people more aware of Chanukah. Because I'm sure you're wondering, no they didn't eat the menorah afterwards. Something about the salami being outside all day. Does the pirsumei nisa aspect outweigh the baal tashchis?

Note to self: avoid all salami at parent's house for the next two years.

Tick Tock: Part II

How does an impatient person deal with having to wait?

How does someone who tries to do everything immediately deal with knowing that her baby is 6000 miles away and she can't feel how warm and soft it is? How yummy it smells?

Looks like I'm just gonna have to deal with it.

Should be easy. Being a grandmother is way more fun that being a mother!

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

How does an obsessive compulsive deal with uncertainty?

How does someone who alphabetizes their spices (ok, I don't do that anymore) deal with not knowing when a particular event will occur or how they're going to deal with it?

Maybe I should view this as a chance to become more normal.

Or maybe I should just have someone hit me over the head with a hammer and wake me up in two weeks and let me know how it all turned out.