Sorry, guys. There are moments in life when even I can't be frivolous.
Pick up your Tehillim and say a perek. It's all we can do.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Black Friday
So here it is, 2 A.M. and I can't sleep.
I know, why don't I just stay up two more hours and hit the sales?
I know, why don't I just stay up two more hours and hit the sales?
Because even I don't think it's worth it. Yes, this comes from someone who spends half her time seeing what she can find on clearance ($3 American Eagle shoes at T.J. Maxx). No matter how good the sales are, it's just not worth dealing with the crowds and the crazies. Spend a few dollars more and get it on the regular sale. It's not always about getting the best price.
Online, however, is a different story. Hmmm...maybe I should stop blogging do some online shopping!!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
What Were They Thinking?
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Everyone has their own taste. Their own sense of style.
Except the guy I saw at the bank yesterday.
This wasn't just a random person standing on line. This was a bank teller, at his place of employment, dressed for work. Dress shirt, tie, ponytail.
Ponytail? This wasn't just slightly longer than average hair. This was a pony tail long enough to donate to Chai Lifeline. (For all you guys out there, that's a minimum of ten inches long, but they prefer twelve inches. And he had the full twelve.) How can a guy get dressed to go to work, make himself look presentable and still have a ponytail halfway down his back?
As I'm looking at this guy, I'm thinking to myself, well at least a ponytail is better than a goatee.
Oh wait, he has one of those, too.
Nothing is creepier looking than a goatee. Except a goatee and a ponytail.
Except the guy I saw at the bank yesterday.
This wasn't just a random person standing on line. This was a bank teller, at his place of employment, dressed for work. Dress shirt, tie, ponytail.
Ponytail? This wasn't just slightly longer than average hair. This was a pony tail long enough to donate to Chai Lifeline. (For all you guys out there, that's a minimum of ten inches long, but they prefer twelve inches. And he had the full twelve.) How can a guy get dressed to go to work, make himself look presentable and still have a ponytail halfway down his back?
As I'm looking at this guy, I'm thinking to myself, well at least a ponytail is better than a goatee.
Oh wait, he has one of those, too.
Nothing is creepier looking than a goatee. Except a goatee and a ponytail.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Gobble Gobble
With Thanksgiving only hours away, I can't help but wonder. Does anybody really like turkey?
Look through the newspaper. There are tons of articles on how to cook your turkey to perfection.
Look through the newspaper. There are tons of articles on how to cook your turkey to perfection.
- Rub it with salt, let it stand for three days, massaging the bird every day to distribute the salt, let sit 8 hours, uncovered to dry out and then roast.
- Deep fried. Cooks super fast!
- Tur-duck-en. (For those of you who don't know, that's a chicken stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey.)
The list just goes on an on and on. I hate to sound un-American, but it's just not that good. Why are we making such a fuss?
And then there's carving the turkey. In the movies, they bring the bird to an immaculately set table, where the head of the house, gracefully carves the turkey to perfection while everyone looks on admiringly. The turkey goes neatly on the table and the table stays as pristine as ever. And no one ever gets upset or loses their cool when carving a turkey.
Around here, we don't carve a turkey. We just hack it up. Put the turkey on the cutting board. Cut off a few pieces. Turkey is no longer stable because I just cut off all the parts that were balancing it. So I have to hold the rest of it with one hand, while I slice with the other. By the time I'm done, the cutting board is a mess, the counter is a mess and my hands and clothing are gross and slimy.
I serve the turkey and a few people are willing to eat it. The rest ask me never to buy turkey again. And what do you do with all that leftover turkey? Either I'm doing something wrong, or turkey just isn't all that good.
Seems to me that the only reason to eat turkey is if you get one free from the supermarket.
And then there's carving the turkey. In the movies, they bring the bird to an immaculately set table, where the head of the house, gracefully carves the turkey to perfection while everyone looks on admiringly. The turkey goes neatly on the table and the table stays as pristine as ever. And no one ever gets upset or loses their cool when carving a turkey.
Around here, we don't carve a turkey. We just hack it up. Put the turkey on the cutting board. Cut off a few pieces. Turkey is no longer stable because I just cut off all the parts that were balancing it. So I have to hold the rest of it with one hand, while I slice with the other. By the time I'm done, the cutting board is a mess, the counter is a mess and my hands and clothing are gross and slimy.
I serve the turkey and a few people are willing to eat it. The rest ask me never to buy turkey again. And what do you do with all that leftover turkey? Either I'm doing something wrong, or turkey just isn't all that good.
Seems to me that the only reason to eat turkey is if you get one free from the supermarket.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Life of Riley
And what a life he has. Riley is my great nephew. But I'm not a great great aunt. I won't even let him into my house. When my niece and nephew come, I tell them they have to leave the baby home. I can't tell you that Riley isn't quite cute, despite the fact that he goes around licking people's shoes. What do you expect? He's only a few months old. He's also a dog.
Why exactly do people get dogs? Yeah, I know, they love you unconditionally. But they jump on you, they bark, and they have those creepy black lips. You have to walk them all the time, no matter how cold it is ouside. And then you have to clean up after them. Can't someone find a way to toilet train dogs?
Dogs are like two year olds that will never, ever turn into responsible, productive members of society. While two year olds are cute, there's a reason for the phrase "terrible two's". They can be the most exasperating creatures on the face of this earth and the only way to survive that year is to remember that it's temporary. At least it is with humans. Dogs are two forever. And no matter how often you bathe them, they will still always smell like dog.
Sorry, Riley. We love you, but you still can't come in.
Why exactly do people get dogs? Yeah, I know, they love you unconditionally. But they jump on you, they bark, and they have those creepy black lips. You have to walk them all the time, no matter how cold it is ouside. And then you have to clean up after them. Can't someone find a way to toilet train dogs?
Dogs are like two year olds that will never, ever turn into responsible, productive members of society. While two year olds are cute, there's a reason for the phrase "terrible two's". They can be the most exasperating creatures on the face of this earth and the only way to survive that year is to remember that it's temporary. At least it is with humans. Dogs are two forever. And no matter how often you bathe them, they will still always smell like dog.
Sorry, Riley. We love you, but you still can't come in.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
To Shop or Not To Shop - That is the Question
I discovered the wonderful world of shopping online this weekend. Not like I've never ordered anything online before, but this was different. This was prompted by my kids and my nephews bonding as they surfed Abercrombie's website and found so many cute things that they just couldn't live without. Don't worry. On clearance.
I fully appreciate the convenience of being able to visit sixteen different stores while I'm sitting home in my jammies. And being able to just call up my nephew and say "hey, you like that shirt?" is great. But I don't know. I like being able to see something in real life before I buy it. Touch it. Try it on. See how it looks.
If you don't like it in the store, you just don't buy it. If you don't like it when you order online, it takes 3-5 business days to find out that you don't like it. Then you need to ship it back. Or have it sit in your closet for a week until you have a chance to take it back.
Don't forget shipping and handling. If you're only ordering one $20 item, and the shipping is ten bucks up to a hundred dollars purchase, it hardly seems worthwhile. By the time you finish with shipping and tax, your $20 shirt is now closer to $35.
Does shopping online have it's advantages? Yeah, it does. But is this going to keep me out of the stores? Nah...I don't think so.
I fully appreciate the convenience of being able to visit sixteen different stores while I'm sitting home in my jammies. And being able to just call up my nephew and say "hey, you like that shirt?" is great. But I don't know. I like being able to see something in real life before I buy it. Touch it. Try it on. See how it looks.
If you don't like it in the store, you just don't buy it. If you don't like it when you order online, it takes 3-5 business days to find out that you don't like it. Then you need to ship it back. Or have it sit in your closet for a week until you have a chance to take it back.
Don't forget shipping and handling. If you're only ordering one $20 item, and the shipping is ten bucks up to a hundred dollars purchase, it hardly seems worthwhile. By the time you finish with shipping and tax, your $20 shirt is now closer to $35.
Does shopping online have it's advantages? Yeah, it does. But is this going to keep me out of the stores? Nah...I don't think so.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Vitamin Water
I have a confession to make.
I like Vitamin Water. It's not something I have often. And I don't normally drink sugary stuff. But oddly enough, I like Vitamin Water. But not when it's cold.
See, here's the thing about Vitamin Water. It tastes like they basically took Kool Aid, watered it down, threw in a few vitamins and said, "Hey, we can charge money for diluted punch because people will think it's healthy since we threw the word "vitamin" in the name! If you drink it ice cold, you can barely taste the flavor. So, as gross as it sounds, try it room temperature. Much better that way.
And of course, take a few minutes to read the bottles. They're quite entertaining.
I like Vitamin Water. It's not something I have often. And I don't normally drink sugary stuff. But oddly enough, I like Vitamin Water. But not when it's cold.
See, here's the thing about Vitamin Water. It tastes like they basically took Kool Aid, watered it down, threw in a few vitamins and said, "Hey, we can charge money for diluted punch because people will think it's healthy since we threw the word "vitamin" in the name! If you drink it ice cold, you can barely taste the flavor. So, as gross as it sounds, try it room temperature. Much better that way.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
c u l8r
Somewhere over the last 10 years, someone killed the art of writing.
I blame it all on texting.
Way back when I was in college and dinosaurs still roamed the earth, we did indeed have computers. And we did spend too much time corresponding online with friends in other schools. But oddly enough, we still used proper capitalization. And punctuation. We spelled everything correctly, even without spell check.
Fast forward to today. Even a dictionary can't help you decipher all the abbreviations that show up in texts and emails. Some are easy to figure out. "np" is "no problem". "k" is "okay". Some require a little more thought. "ty" is "thank you". "brb"? "be right back". "ttyl" becomes "talk to you later".
Others require assistance. Not from a dictionary, but from anyone under the age of thirty. How many of you know what "tltt" stands for? And even once you think you know what all the abbreviations stand for, they make up new ones.
And why have we created this new, bizarre language? Because it is such a pain to text on those teeny, tiny keyboards. If you want a phone that's going to fit in your pocket and not weigh more than a pack of gum, everything has to be Polly Pocket sized. And once we got started writing like that in our texts, it infected all our correspondence.
Age definitely seems to be factor. Over 40's still type out whole words. Make sure things are grammatically correct before we hit send. I know. No matter how cute we dress, how you we try to act, it's one of the ways that you remind us we're just not 21 anymore.
I blame it all on texting.
Way back when I was in college and dinosaurs still roamed the earth, we did indeed have computers. And we did spend too much time corresponding online with friends in other schools. But oddly enough, we still used proper capitalization. And punctuation. We spelled everything correctly, even without spell check.
Fast forward to today. Even a dictionary can't help you decipher all the abbreviations that show up in texts and emails. Some are easy to figure out. "np" is "no problem". "k" is "okay". Some require a little more thought. "ty" is "thank you". "brb"? "be right back". "ttyl" becomes "talk to you later".
Others require assistance. Not from a dictionary, but from anyone under the age of thirty. How many of you know what "tltt" stands for? And even once you think you know what all the abbreviations stand for, they make up new ones.
And why have we created this new, bizarre language? Because it is such a pain to text on those teeny, tiny keyboards. If you want a phone that's going to fit in your pocket and not weigh more than a pack of gum, everything has to be Polly Pocket sized. And once we got started writing like that in our texts, it infected all our correspondence.
Age definitely seems to be factor. Over 40's still type out whole words. Make sure things are grammatically correct before we hit send. I know. No matter how cute we dress, how you we try to act, it's one of the ways that you remind us we're just not 21 anymore.
Thank you, Alexander Graham Bell
I'm really not sure exactly how this is supposed to work. Am I supposed to be blogging about all the exciting things that go on in my life? Hope not, since my life isn't particularly exciting. Do I throw out controversial topics and let my loyal readers, all four of you, argue about them? Or do I just pontificate and offer my opinions on anything and everything? Don't know. Let's give it a shot and see what happens.
Let's talk about kids and cell phones. At what age does one need a cell phone? Is this based on actual need or the idea that everyone else has one? Why do elementary school kids need cell phones? And if half an eighth grade class has cell phones why should the other half feel deprived?
No question that cell phones have changed the way we live, in many ways for the better. But is it really necessary to be reachable 24/6? And does every person over the age of 10 need their own dedicated line?
Seems to me that when there's an actual need for one, then maybe it's time to get your kid a phone. But if they just want to be cool, let them pay for it.
Let's talk about kids and cell phones. At what age does one need a cell phone? Is this based on actual need or the idea that everyone else has one? Why do elementary school kids need cell phones? And if half an eighth grade class has cell phones why should the other half feel deprived?
No question that cell phones have changed the way we live, in many ways for the better. But is it really necessary to be reachable 24/6? And does every person over the age of 10 need their own dedicated line?
Seems to me that when there's an actual need for one, then maybe it's time to get your kid a phone. But if they just want to be cool, let them pay for it.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Am I Too Old To Blog?
So what do you think? Is the mother of five kids, aged almost 8 - almost 21 too old to start her own blog? I know what my kids will say. It's embarrassing and extremely uncool. That's why I'm not asking them. I'm asking you!
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