With Thanksgiving only hours away, I can't help but wonder. Does anybody really like turkey?
Look through the newspaper. There are tons of articles on how to cook your turkey to perfection.
Look through the newspaper. There are tons of articles on how to cook your turkey to perfection.
- Rub it with salt, let it stand for three days, massaging the bird every day to distribute the salt, let sit 8 hours, uncovered to dry out and then roast.
- Deep fried. Cooks super fast!
- Tur-duck-en. (For those of you who don't know, that's a chicken stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey.)
The list just goes on an on and on. I hate to sound un-American, but it's just not that good. Why are we making such a fuss?
And then there's carving the turkey. In the movies, they bring the bird to an immaculately set table, where the head of the house, gracefully carves the turkey to perfection while everyone looks on admiringly. The turkey goes neatly on the table and the table stays as pristine as ever. And no one ever gets upset or loses their cool when carving a turkey.
Around here, we don't carve a turkey. We just hack it up. Put the turkey on the cutting board. Cut off a few pieces. Turkey is no longer stable because I just cut off all the parts that were balancing it. So I have to hold the rest of it with one hand, while I slice with the other. By the time I'm done, the cutting board is a mess, the counter is a mess and my hands and clothing are gross and slimy.
I serve the turkey and a few people are willing to eat it. The rest ask me never to buy turkey again. And what do you do with all that leftover turkey? Either I'm doing something wrong, or turkey just isn't all that good.
Seems to me that the only reason to eat turkey is if you get one free from the supermarket.
And then there's carving the turkey. In the movies, they bring the bird to an immaculately set table, where the head of the house, gracefully carves the turkey to perfection while everyone looks on admiringly. The turkey goes neatly on the table and the table stays as pristine as ever. And no one ever gets upset or loses their cool when carving a turkey.
Around here, we don't carve a turkey. We just hack it up. Put the turkey on the cutting board. Cut off a few pieces. Turkey is no longer stable because I just cut off all the parts that were balancing it. So I have to hold the rest of it with one hand, while I slice with the other. By the time I'm done, the cutting board is a mess, the counter is a mess and my hands and clothing are gross and slimy.
I serve the turkey and a few people are willing to eat it. The rest ask me never to buy turkey again. And what do you do with all that leftover turkey? Either I'm doing something wrong, or turkey just isn't all that good.
Seems to me that the only reason to eat turkey is if you get one free from the supermarket.
4 comments:
pathmark's Free Frozen Turkey all the way!
and just think about all those starving children in Ethiopia who won't have turkey to eat...
or you could just feed it to the poor dog who you've confined to your front porch
turkey is only worth eating wen its grandmas succos turkey and u get to eat a huge turkey polka with ur hands and gross out the rest of the table :-)
Sorry Pin, even then it's not worth eating.
Poultry in motion = turkey in Grandma and Zeidie's microwave. "Look at the cooked, slimy bird!"
Turkey is rarely worth eating. It is, however, worth making, because one turkey feeds a million people. Mostly because none of them actually eat it!
Anyone out there want to try making a turducken? I'd love to try it, but I'm not stuffing all those birds inside each other!
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