A Truly Humbling Experience

A trip to the makolet. How hard could it be?

Apparently, very. Surprisingly enough, most of the product labels were written in Hebrew. I guess they're entitled, but it didn't make my life any easier. Try to find the right section in the teeny, tiny store. Locate the right item. Or try to. Not always as easy as it sounds. And I thought I spoke a pretty decent Hebrew! Next, try to figure out how much it costs. How much is 16.90 shekel divided by 3.73?

And then there was a trip to the freezer case to find chicken wings. How do you say wings in Hebrew? And I couldn't help but wonder what kind of scary things might be lurking in that freezer? And if the nekudos in Hebrew are the vowels, can't they put them on the packages so that I can actually figure out what I'm looking at?

All in all, the trip to the makolet took a very long time. And 3 phone calls home to make sure I was getting the right thing. Let's just say I'm going to really enjoy my next trip to Shop Rite!

When the Cat's Away...

So, I'm off in a few hours and leaving a guy in charge. Should be entertaining.

They spent the morning menu planning. Here's what my dearly beloved thinks he's cooking for supper every night:

Sunday: Shnitzel, with assorted sauces for dipping. Salad. Unidentified starch. Maybe fries?
Monday: Grilled Chicken, Salad, Mushroom Tart. (Mushroom Tart is leftover from Shabbos. I made that one.)
Tuesday: Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes with Peas and Onions. (There is a vegetable here, too, but they needed the menu so they could go shopping.
Wednesday: Tuna Loaf, Pasta Primavera, and some other vegetable.

Of course, all meals will start off with soup (my contribution, I left a freezer full) and will end with dessert. With plenty of burping in between.

Think they're gonna miss me? I doubt it!!

World's Largest Salami Menorah

What, there are small salami menorahs as well?

This comes from the kosher deli in West Palm Beach, Florida. No doubt they did a wonderful job making people more aware of Chanukah. Because I'm sure you're wondering, no they didn't eat the menorah afterwards. Something about the salami being outside all day. Does the pirsumei nisa aspect outweigh the baal tashchis?

Note to self: avoid all salami at parent's house for the next two years.

Tick Tock: Part II

How does an impatient person deal with having to wait?

How does someone who tries to do everything immediately deal with knowing that her baby is 6000 miles away and she can't feel how warm and soft it is? How yummy it smells?

Looks like I'm just gonna have to deal with it.

Should be easy. Being a grandmother is way more fun that being a mother!

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

How does an obsessive compulsive deal with uncertainty?

How does someone who alphabetizes their spices (ok, I don't do that anymore) deal with not knowing when a particular event will occur or how they're going to deal with it?

Maybe I should view this as a chance to become more normal.

Or maybe I should just have someone hit me over the head with a hammer and wake me up in two weeks and let me know how it all turned out.

Will The Real Aunt Rant Please Stand Up?

Came across this by accident today: auntrant.blogspot.com.

Sounds a lot like me.

Am I the imposter or is she?

Hey, Taxi!!!

They're talking about a "Fat Tax" in New York. Tax items that are fattening and unhealthy. If you want to eat junk food or have a Coke, you're gonna have to pay extra. I think it's a great idea. But they didn't take it far enough. There are so many other possibilities. Imagine this:

Ugly Tax: Tax cosmetics and other personal care items. If you're not attractive the way G-d made you, it's gonna cost you.

Idiot Tax: Tax Cliff's Notes, Barron's Review Books and all SAT Review Courses. You ought to be smart enough on your own. If not, pay up!

Tall Tax: Clothing for tall people ought to cost more. More fabric, more labor. Why do short people have to subsidize clothing for six footers?

Cutesy Tax: Hello Kitty. Lisa Frank. Smurfs. Need I say more?

People Who Eat In My Car Tax: It's my car, not your kitchen. Keep your crumbs out!

So many more, but so little time...

Sorry!!!

Too late to post anything tonight, but I have tomorrow's post half written in my head.

How about you guys rant about whatever is on your mind for a change?

Weddings: Warning I May Get a Little Sappy

We all go to weddings all the time.

But every now and then, you get to go to a really special wedding. Where the time just flies by and suddenly you realize that you forgot to eat.

That's what it's like when it's one of yours who gets married.

But when it's two of yours who marry each other?

Wow, can't wait!

Somebody bring the tissues?

The Family That Sticks Together

I am such a good aunt.

I love my nieces and nephews. When they're happy, I'm happy. (Ok, maybe not as happy as they are on Purim, but that's another story.) And when they are in pain, I am in pain.

When my poor nephew will be forced to show up at a wedding in Crocs, as a good aunt, I feel it is my duty to show support and wear my Crocs, too. It will be difficult, but we wouldn't want him to feel bad, now would we?

So, all my loyal readers, let's all band together and wear our Crocs. Let us get all our friends and relatives to wear their Crocs, too. It is our sacred duty.

(And Aliza, you are family. Come crash! Just wear your Crocs.)

My Mind is a Complete Blank

I cannot tell a lie: I didn't write this.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would be known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the letter ”f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze vorld!

Milton Bradley, Where Are You?

Spent some quality time at Toys R Us today. Boy, have things changed in the last 10 years.

I was hoping to get a board game. Shockingly enough, board games now take up only one and a half short aisles. That's it. And a good part of the games are variants of themselves: Sponge Bob Monopoly, Pink Boutique Monopoly, Harry Potter Monopoly. The selection was pitiful. What ever happened to Mille Bornes? Go To The Head of the Class?

So I headed over to the books. Surely they must have some decent books that would be appropriate for an 8 year old. Well, they do. As long as you like books that tie in with Cable TV. No Magic Tree House. No Boxcar Children. Lots of Hannah Montana. iCarly. Almost no books that didn't have major merchandising attached to it.

Don't think I'm going back there any time soon.

At least not until I get another $3.00 gift card from them.

Milestones

For the first time in almost 21 years there are no car seats or booster seats in my car.

I can't decide if that makes me happy or unhappy.

Also makes me wonder about what things were like when I was little. No car seat means that two year olds were roaming around freely in the backseat of your car. Who knows what your kids could be doing to each other while you need to keep your eyes on the road. Makes me wonder how I ever made it this far and why my brother and sister didn't just open the car door and toss me out of the car.

Guess I'm lucky to be here!

Green and Fuzzy 2

How do you tell when pesto's gone bad?

What's Green and Fuzzy?

On the list of things I've always wondered about: How do you know when yogurt's gone bad?

And the answer is, you just do.

Perhaps the little bit of green fuzzy stuff at the top should have given me a hint. I know. Should have just tossed it then. But it was only a week past the expiration date.

But really, it's not my fault.

Because it was Cholov Yisroel yogurt. Regular yogurt would have been fine a week past the expiration date. But with Cholov Yisroel, expiration dates are arbitrary. Like they just threw a dart at a dartboard and picked a date. Saw some CY chocolate milk this past weekend on November 27th. The milk was dated December 19th.

Think I'm sticking to Shop Rite milk for now.

Call me crazy, but I just don't get it.

Teenage girls are NOTHING like teenage boys.

Yeah, I know, you're all rolling your eyes and laughing at me. It's okay, I'm used to it.

I had the opportunity to spend Shabbos with an inordinate number of teenage boys. They were fascinating, albeit a little scary. All different sizes, shapes and colors. I checked out their ties, their belts, their hairstyles. Even spoke to a few of them. They were all quite interesting.

But then they all turned insane. Motzei Shabbos and they decide to spend their evening jumping over chairs. First 3 groups of 2 chairs. Then 4 groups. Then only two sets of chairs, but spread further apart, with plastic tablecloths tied between them. Sure, there were mattresses on the floor for the sake of those who didn't quite make it. Lots of them didn't. One or two looked like they got hurt, but they all just got up and walked it off. One question kept going through my mind.

Why? Why on earth would ostensibly normal people do this?

I Am Never Leaving The House Again!!

Teenagers.

Haircuts.

Need I say more?