One Can Left

No clue when it will be back on the shelves. Don't tell me I have to start making lunch again!!! That was the beauty of Slim Fast. Never have to think about what to prepare, no clean up, and I lunch is finished in fifteen seconds!

Latkes Anybody?

What's Chanukah without latkes? If your last name is the same as mine, it is certainly unthinkable. So when the lid from my trusty food processor broke, which made my food processor unusable, I knew it was time to go shopping and get a new one. Definitely before Chanukah.

I spent two weeks researching food processors. Need one that is big enough, but didn't want to spend mega-bucks on one. We looked high and low and eventually came up with the perfect machine. Which we went out and bought.

Twelve hours later I remembered that Uncle Rant had a perfectly usable food processor sitting with his stuff in the basement.

Why couldn't I have remembered that two weeks ago before I spent all that time looking for a replacement?

Any suggestions?

Ever year we get another box of these in the mail. I go through about three a year for the thingy I use to light Shabbos candles, but that still leaves me with about six whole boxes full. What on earth do I do with them?

Vodka Donuts!

From matzav.com

Alcohol importers in Israel have decided to market their vodka in an original way: By hiring a pastry chef who is also a bartender to create vodka-soaked donuts ahead of the Yom Tov of Chanukah.

”Adults await sufganiyot no less than children do,” a source from the company that imports “Hortiza,” the vodka to be infused into the donuts, said.

”Therefore,” he added, “we have decided to launch a line of donuts suitable for adults and party-goers.”

A 100 gram donut, sold at the price of NIS 4.5 - about $1.18 - contains 90 milliliters of vodka diluted with jam.

The vodka contains 35% alcohol, and the alcohol content of each donut is equal to that of a bottle of beer.

In other words, anyone eating more than one vodka donut had better hand over his or her car keys to a friend.

In order to meet the requirements of the law, the vodka donut will only be sold to adults presenting the appropriate ID.

The vodka donut trend seems to be spreading this year, and has also reached many bakeries in lower concentrations.

FYI

For all those of you who are interested, you can order whole pigs at Shop Rite for the holiday.

Just in case you wanted to know.

And there are way too many real pictures of actual roast pigs on google images!

Twins!

Sooooo sweet! And such beautiful smiles!

62 Uses for Leftover Turkey

1. Throw it out! (Am pre-empting Aunt A on that one.)
2. Threaten your kids with it. "Whoever doesn't behave has to eat 6 week old turkey bits that are still sitting in my fridge..."

Ok, you guys, let's see if we can hit 62.

Discuss Amongst Yourselves...

Since all you guys wanted a chance to rant again, let's just pick a topic and everyone can voice their opinions.

Bananas.

Ok, guys, let's hear what you have to say about bananas.

Fashion Statement

Can someone please explain open toed boots to me?

Just Can't Help Myself...

Gotta love this one...

Some people are like Slinkies. They are really good for nothing ............. but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs!

Anagrams!

Cute website: make an anagram out of your name. Check it out! I had tons of fun playing with it!

www.deanjackson.dj/nameanagram

Free Samples!!

Ok, guys, guess what?

Today I am actually earning some money. That's right, just by putting this up, I am gonna earn a few (very few) bucks.

I signed up to get emails from a site that has free stuff called shopforfreebies.com. You know me. I love free stuff. And I've gotten some fun free samples from these guys. Hey, it's free. How could you go wrong? Besides, you get to try out lots of nice shampoo, among other things. There is usually something new going up on the list every day and I don't have to remember to check out the site. They send me emails with a link to the free stuff du jour.

In an effort to get more people to come to their site, they are offering cash to bloggers who put up a post with a link to their site. All I have to do is tell you about it. Even if you don't visit the site, I still get paid. But go visit anyway. Free stuff is free stuff!!

So, boys and girls, here you go. Free stuff for everyone. Woo hoo!!

Click here for free samples Check it out!

Lunchtime!!

Nine days left till school starts.

Nine days left till school starts.

Nine days left till school starts.

Ok, sorry, had to get that out of my system.

So, to make school start earlier, I want to start doing practical, school related things. And right now,I'm thinking about lunches. Rantlet #2 gets peanut butter. Every day. Rantlet #3 gets chumus every day. #4 gets cream cheese or american cheese. #5? Who remembers?

I'm thinking we need more creative lunches. Anyone got any ideas? And fyi: hate making tuna. Don't know why. And they don't really love it, either.

Mazel Tov!!

No, no, no...nothing like that.

100th post, woo hoo!!!!

Given that my brain has completely turned to applesauce, anyone out there got suggestions for a post?

Counting the minutes till school starts...I knowI'm such a bad mother...just can't help it anymore!

Welcome to the 21st Century!

Learned how to use iTunes this week! Aren't you all impressed?

Now how do I get album art on there without opening an account in the iTunes store?

Sorry, I Know I've Been Negligent!

Meanwhile, hope you guys have been checking back at holyshidduch. Apparently people just keep having bad dates, because there are more and more entries!

Ok, so here's the thing. Camp ends this week. And school starts in 3 1/2 weeks. And Uncle Rant is gonna be out of town for a week and a half.

Aaaaaaaaah!!!

Anyone have any ideas how to keep the Rantlets entertained?

Prefereably ideas that don't involve duct tape?

Holy Shidduch!

Gotta check out this website: holyshidduch.com. People post their dating stories. Some of my favorites:

I once picked up a girl for a first date and went to the airport since it's a nice public place. After talking for about twenty minutes she got up and said needed to go. I stood up and started walking towards my car, she turned and started walking to the gate. When I glanced at her questioningly she said, "My friend told me you brought her here on a date last week. I just needed a lift, so I told the Shadchan yes."

I was at a restaurant on a shidduch with this guy. I went up to use the restroom and when I returned half of my pasta dish was missing. The guy said that is how much was there when I got up, while a string of my angel hair pasta hung from his beard.

What's In The Elephant's Trunk?

(Ok, only three of us will even get that title.)

Found this in a cookbook in a section entitled "This and That".

Elephant Stew

1 elephant
brown gravy
salt and pepper to taste
2 rabbits

Cut elephant into bite sized pieces. This will take about 4 months. Cook over kerosene at 525 degrees until tender (about 5 months). Add salt and pepper and cover with brown gravy. This will serve 3,800 people. If more are expected, add 2 rabbits. Do this if only absolutely necessary as most people do not like to find hare in their stew.

Pop Quiz

You come into the bathroom and you notice there's a bug on your toothbrush.

What do you do?

Packing Time!

All these years girls have been looking for boys who learn x number of years. A boy with a good job.

But here's the truth. You want to marry a guy with a short last name. So when it comes time to label stuff for camp, you won't wonder why you married a guy with a crazy long name!

Packing Time

So, time to start thinking about what you send to camp with a 13 year old boy.

Lots of t-shirts. Scratch that. The three or four he likes. He won't wear the rest. Will just wear these over and over again. Washing in between is a waste of time. Just gonna get dirty again.

Sneakers. Crocs. Shabbos Shoes.

Linen? One sheet, one pillowcase, one towel. What, you think he's gonna change his linen? Blanket, pillow.

Underwear? Socks? 3 or 4 of each should be more than enough. You only change those things when you shower. Tzitzis? He'll be wearing a pair. Who needs more?

Suit, hat, white shirts. LOTS of ties. Bathing suit.

LOTS of junk food.

Phone card to call home? Why bother? He won't. Raincoat? Who are we kidding?

When I asked him what I should send less of this year than last, he said "postcards that I have to write."

Check It Out!

Ok,you can't order anything from this website. And it's not even in English. But it is very, very cool. Let it load and then give it a minute.

Click here

Uh Oh...

Y3K will be directing traffic in camp tomorrow.

Do we really think this is a good idea?

Aren't there better ways to utilize her unique talents?

Shouldn't she be at the gate saying "Hiiiii!!!!!! Welcome to Camp Sternberg!!"?

I HATE Digital TV!

So digital TV was supposed to be better, right?

Wrong!!

Before digital TV, I got lots of stations. Now, I have to keep readjusting my antenna and running a scan over and over again. On a good day, I get channel 5 and channel 9. Until they freeze up on me and I have to start all over again.

And sometimes if I'm lucky? I get a traffic camera in Times Square. And if I'm really lucky? A ramp on the Brooklyn Bridge.

That's progress, huh?

Wasted on the Young

Well, it took me long enough to get to this point in time.

But I want to go to camp. I want to have someone else plan activities and meals. I want to go swimming, boating and do arts and crafts. I want to hide from the head counselors when I don't feel like going to activities. Be in the major play. Yeah, am even willing to deal with color war.

Hail to the Chief?

Now available for only $19.99 at chiaobama.com. The Obama Chia pet, in either a happy and determined pose. Here is the official word from the manufacturer:

In honoring our 44th US President, the Chia Pet company presents this Special Edition Chia Obama.

On the side of the Chia Obama planter are his famous words:

'"YES WE CAN."

Can you grow one?

YES YOU CAN.

Easy to do..... Fun to Grow. Full growth in 1-2 weeks

Contains:

* Chia Obama handmade planter
* Chia Seed packet for 3 plantings
* Convenient Drip Tray
* Planting and care instruction sheet

:)

Hee hee!!

So Quiet!!

Who knew that sending one kid off to camp could make such a big difference?

Bad Hair Day?

My Kids Are Too Tall!

Am spending the night tonight letting down hems so that I can lengthen skirts for my girls. I think I needed shorter kids!

Oh Ye of Eastern European Descent

I gave you more than enough time. Not one of you picked up on this.

Anything look bizarre about this picture?

Can't Make This Up: Part II

So Baby Rant calls the couch. Don't know if I would have slept there, but I wasn't gonna complain. What else was I gonna do with her? Rant Jr. decides to sleep in his garment bag.

But that still leaves Uncle Rant and me with bare mattresses that have been slept on by I-have-no-idea-who. Mind you, they looked fairly new and fresh, but am I really going to sleep on that mattress??? Ugh, no!

So I'm figuring, I'm gonna layer clothing all over the mattress. And B'H, we have raincoats, which are great, as long as we don't need to wear them outside. I open up my big black poncho, which is essentially a huge circle, rubberized on one side and B'H, cloth on the other side. That covers half my bed. My long denim skirt. A few assorted shirts. Two black zip up's rolled up together for my pillow. Uncle Rant gets Baby Rant's new GAP sweatshirt for his pillow.

Not great, but certainly more hygienic than the mattress.

And it's the end of the meal when I'm looking at the clear plastic tablecloth when it hits me. Tablecloths.

Got a few from the kitchen and spread them out over the mattresses. (Sh'koyach Uncle A! Great minds think alike!) Now, you have to realize that plastic is slippery. And crinkly. But at least not creepy and disgusting.

I will tell you that Uncle Rant's raincoat did not make an ideal blanket. But still think it was a better choice than the shower curtain, my backup plan.

This was definitely one for the books!!

Can't Make This Up: Part I

So, we're driving up to the Poconos to spend Shabbos at a boy's high school retreat, where Uncle Rant donates lots of his time and energy. For those of you who don't know, road signs in Pennsylvania were put up by drunken Irishmen on St. Patrick's day, after they drink up all the beverages in their local tavern. Wish I had remembered that when I decided we didn't need to take the GPS.

After several detous, we got to our destination, Camp Dora Golding, 15 minutes before Mincha, 50 minutes before licht bentshing. (Early Shabbos, we didn't cut it that close!) As you can imagine, Uncle Rant was not in a good mood. He hates getting lost.

Our accomodations were lovely. A three bedroom bungalow, five beds, with kitchenette, living room, full bathroom and most importantly, air conditioning. Only one thing was missing.

Linen. Last retreat we went to, the Rabbeim were all told to bring linen, but board members were not. They supplied us with everything.

But not this time. Five beds, bare mattresses. No time to run out before Shabbos to get linen.

What would you do???

(For those of you who know what we did, no giving away the answers, please!!)

Drink Up!!

So what do you think? Do we let the kid take a fridge to camp?

On the one hand, if he takes the fridge, in the long run, he'll save money not buying drinks in the canteen. And we can control what he's drinking. He'll be happy to drink water and/or diet soda.

On the other hand, it seems sooooo jappy.

Mogo The Third Warthog: Part II

Before I take this one back to the library, I know you've all been dying to hear what this book was all about. So, without further ado...

Mogo may be the runt of the litter, but he's determined to make in in the tough African savanna. When he and his two brothers are cast out of their burrow in order to make space for a new litter, it's time for each of them to venture out and build a new home and anew life.

But the savanna is full of dangerous predators and Mogo's bossy and lazy older brothers may not have what it takes to survive. On his own, Mogo must learn to battle not just lions, cheetahs, and wild dogs, but also fear and loneliness. Luckily, the friendship of a young baboon who has also been cast out of his community helps Mogo find what he's been looking for: a life not just based on survival, but that relishes the joys of friendship and love.

Time To Cast Your Vote!

So what do you think.

Have our kids outgrown the traditional summer story? I only have two kids going to camp this summer, one of whom has already told me not to send it to him in camp because he won't have time to read it.

Are we perhaps running out of ideas? Getting stale?

Should we quit while we're not too far behind?

(And yes, DG and Tom, I'll send you the old ones if you want, but don't know if you'll like them...)

An Actual Rant. Can You Believe It?

I can tell you in advance exactly how the comments on this one are gonna go. But I won't. That would spoil all the fun.

So, I went to Shul tonight, during Mincha/Maariv to drop off some fruit platters for a Bris tomorrow morning. Why did I go? Because neither of my boys came home before heading to Shul, and I had to get them there somehow. I knew the Shul would be open (duh, they were davening then, weren't they?) and figured I could just run in and out unnoticed.

I figured wrong. Which means I probably should have put on a sheitel and changed out of my Crocs. Whatever.

For starters, there were like 25 cars in the parking lot. And more coming every minute. Constantly guys going in and out. Even my own two missing menfolk were there.

So here's the thing. Every night and every morning, guys have this major social event. I could go an entire week without seeing everyone I know and here guys see a million people twice a day. Major culture shock for me.

Who knew all this was going on every day?

Is Your Fridge Running?

Via cooljew.net

I Love My Brother!

Took this out of the library just because I loved the name.

With Apologies To Billy Joel

Couldn't catch all the words, but I still thought it was funny.



And in the truly ironic department, when I emailed the guy who posted this video to tell him how much I enjoyed it, he asked me about the song and what is was. He had heard of Billy Joel but had never heard any Billy Joel music before.

We are sooo old!!

Gotta Love It!

What Can You Do With a Dollar?

http://www.mahnishmah.com/system/scripts/modules/admin/pages/show_page.cgi?p=7829

What Do You Think?

Is it possible to gain 10 pounds in one week?

Ideas, anybody??

Ok, time to start thinking about this summer's story.

Anyone out there have any suggestions?

Why Didn't I Think Of This?

Freaky Food Fun: Stick dried spaghetti into hot dogs, then boil!!

Gotta Love It!

Tis the Season...

Counting the days till I can listen to music again!!

My Own Sefira...

Is everyone else out there as tired as I am?

Not Normal!!

What every sane person spends four hours doing Erev Pesach...printing envelopes!!

With Apologies to Robert Frost

So far, just a sampling of what I've used:

133 eggs
9 pounds of onions
12 pounds of potatoes
4 pounds of apples
7 pounds of sugar
8 zucchini
6 cucumbers
1 1/4 bottles oil
1 1/2 quarts mayonnaise
5 bags ground pecans
1 1/2 cans potato starch

And miles to go before I sleep...

Aaaaah!!

The picture says it all.

Pass the tissues.

Only In Monsey?

Sorry, not complaining or ranting this time.

Spent my whole day buying Pesach food. Stores were crowded, lines were long - you know how it is. I was waiting on line in the fruit store, doing absolutely nothing valuable with my time when I noticed a plastic container taped to the register. In the container, was a Tehillim with a little sticker on the front instructing you to please make sure to return it to the register. So instead of just standing on line doing nothing, I knocked off my Tehillim for the day.

Don't know about you, but it really made me smile!